It’s easier for me to recognize when someone else is treating me badly but harder to realize when I’m doing it to myself. And even harder to stick up for myself when it’s my inner dialogue that’s the bully.

The last four years have presented a LOT of opportunities for growth in my life. I’ve been to a lot of therapy, moved across the country, worked on my mindset, and became a homeowner in Colorado. But one lesson that keeps coming back to me (probably because I need more practice) is learning to set emotional boundaries with myself.

Setting emotional boundaries is important for any healthy relationship. I just never realized that also included my relationship with myself.

I’ve come to realize that setting boundaries with myself is actually an act of self-love. And it also has the potential to teach people how to treat me. If I’m always putting myself down, that demonstrates to others that it’s okay to do so.

At first, I had no idea where to start. I thought that if I wasn’t hard on myself, then how would I grow? But I decided to take cues from how I treat my friends. If this isn’t something I would say to a friend, then I probably shouldn’t be saying it to myself either.

Another technique I’ve been practicing lately is the STOP method. I have no idea if it’s a method I just call it that lol.

Anyways, basically, it goes like this: when my thoughts start to spiral or my brain is going somewhere that I know is not helpful, I’ll say STOP reallyyyyyy loudly in my brain. I just immediately shut down where this train was headed. There are certain conversations I know that I can’t have with myself because they’ve LITERALLY never been productive and always been harmful. 

Have you ever thought about setting emotional boundaries with yourself? If so, what would that look like?