You know that feeling when you find a good book, one that is captivating and easy to read, and you just don’t want to put it down? That’s how I felt about “My Lush Sobriety” by Sacha Z Scoblic, a memoir is about her struggle with alcoholism and her fight for sobriety.
I first heard about this book after reading “Blackout” by Sarah Hepola (a book that is on my list of Top 10 Favorite Books list). Even though I can’t relate to the struggle of alcoholism, I can relate in another way – with cigarettes (I’ve shared about this before). Sacha actually goes into the difference between alcoholism and being addicted to cigarettes (she’s battled with both) and while being addicted to cigarettes pales in comparison with being addicted to alcohol, the desire to self-medicate is still there.
“Apparently, the void inside me must be filled with something that makes me feel awful about myself. Why on earth do I have a void in my soul that can only be filled by something masochistic? Some sick part of me needs to hurt myself in order to feel whole…”
I remember once hearing on The Happier podcast about how we often default back to our old ways when we go through a hard time. We often find comfort in a habit that is harmful for us (drinking, smoking, overeating) even though we’re left with the guilt of failure upon falling back into the bad habit. The quickest way to make myself feel better when I’m stressed is to have a cigarette. Instead of sitting with how I’m feeling and feeling through the horrible, I look for a quick fix so I don’t have to deal with feeling uncomfortable or anxious.
“But then maybe I needed to be unmoored for a while – to feel horrible instead of drink through the horrible. Maybe I needed to stop hanging on so tightly – to booze, to drugs, to anyone who would let me glom on. Maybe I needed to Let Go.”
Facing The Horrible feels like something an incredibly strong and brave person would do, and I don’t always feel like that person. How do you work through The Horrible?